It’s no secret one of my passions is the work that I do to help girls become their most empowered selves. My passion for this work led me to return to school to finish my Doctorate (Fight On!) with a focus on best practices for supporting girls in spaces focused on increasing their self-esteem and self-confidence. When I first created the G.E.M.S.® (Girls Empowered, Motivated and Strong) group it was born due to the stories that were coming up in sessions with kiddos that all had the same common themes- “I’m not good enough”, “There’s so much pressure”, “I’m lonely, where are more girls like me”, and the biggest one “I don’t fit in” That was back in 2018 now 48 groups (and counting) later the stories continue and storytellers are getting younger and younger.
When I first added an elementary group people asked “Do girls that young really deal with these issues, is this group needed?”
The answer is absolutely yes, research has shown that girls take a self-esteem hit right around 3rd-4th grade and this continues to decline if there is not an intervention on their behalf that is focused on increasing their sense of self.
I was floored as I was reading over the most recent Girls’ Index report put out by ROX (Ruling Our eXperiences) organization this morning. When they compared their 2017 report to their 2023 report the numbers were alarming
· Girls were reporting lower levels of confidence with only 13% of the girls surveyed reporting being confident. The biggest decline was among 5th graders.
· Rates of sadness and depression tripled for 5th and 6th grade girls and doubled for 7th and 8th graders
· 67 percent of the girls surveyed reported issues in friendships
· 66% of those surveyed stated they do not speak up out of fear of judgment
· 58% of the 9-12th graders surveyed stated they did not feel that they were smart enough to get their dream job.
· Increased use of social media impacts girls self-image. The survey found that girls went from 2 hours online in 2017 to 4-6 hours a day for 5th graders!
So what do we do, why is this important?
This is what the research tells us-when girls are provided with spaces that center on belonging and provide them with meaningful connections they are more likely to have increased levels of self-esteem and better school outcomes (better attendance, more involvement, and increased GPA). For girls of color, this likelihood of succeeding increases if they have staff or mentors who are representative of who they are. If we care about our girls and want them to succeed we need to make sure we are given the tools needed to be successful later in life. Here are three ways we can act today to help ensure our girls have the tools needed.
Provide Brave Spaces –Brave spaces are spaces where girls can have space to explore who they are openly and freely. Licensed Clinical Social Worker Victoria D. Stubbs, describes 6 pillars required for creating brave spaces;
Vulnerability-The freedom to let down our shields and be open
Perspective Taking- The act of listening to understand
Leaning into Fear- providing space to lean into what is holding us back
Critical Thinking- providing space to explore other thoughts and expand our own
Examining Intentions- Giving girls a space where they can hold themselves accountable for their words and actions to gain a deeper understanding of self
Mindfulness- Giving space for intentional pauses to reflect and get clarity.
Creating spaces that incorporate these 6 pillars is
foundational for helping our girls shine.
Provide Mentorship and Role Models – Marian Wright Edelman famed civil rights and children’s rights activist once said “You Can’t Be What You Can’t See”. If we want to raise strong girls who are empowered and ready to take on the challenges they will undoubtedly face we need to show them the way. Become a mentor or support mentorship programs that help young girls build confidence and career skills. One of my greatest joys when leading a G.E.M.S. group is when we talk about future planning and to hear so many of the girls list their older sisters, mothers, teachers, etc. as who they see as a hero. Our girls are watching us and we need to set the example of what it means to be strong.
Encourage Their Strengths and Abilities – When girls know how powerful they are they have the tools needed to face challenges. Acknowledge and celebrate girls' achievements, talents, and efforts rather than just their appearance. Encouraging them to explore different interests, from academics to sports and the arts, helps them build confidence in their abilities. Another source of encouraging their strength is also knowing when to reach out for more support, especially when it comes to connecting with a mental health professional. There is massive strength in seeking support and help when it comes to our mental health. Ensuring our girls have a licensed mental health professional to discuss any challenges or struggles they are facing gives them the strength to build their resiliency, increase their ability to speak up for themselves, help them develop the skills needed to problem solve on their own and it increases their sense of self.
At the end of each G.E.M.S. group, we have a tradition of ending with a cheesy poem. Each line is a riddle that includes something the girls have learned tied to an item they will be leaving the group with. No matter the focus of the group each cheesy poem ends with the same line shine bright like a diamond.
Maya Angelou once said "Nothing can dim the light that shines from within", giving our girls the tools to build their internal resources and feel empowered allows their light to shine brightly. As parents, caregivers, teachers, and mentors it’s our job to provide the blueprint for our girls and it starts by reminding them how powerful they are.
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